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Honestly, what it comes down to for me is the pain. Since last summer I've pretty much been in constant pain. Last year it was the shoulder that I hurt while playing forward for UR that was bothering me. I had an MRI, found out I had chipped my collar bone, and that there was really nothing to do at this point. I did physical therapy, and haven't had a problem with it since. But, since last fall it has been my lower body that has been the biggest problem.

I've always had knee issues - pretty much since my first couple years of college. Most likely from the years of abnormal motions playing goalie and years being a catcher in baseball. In any case, last fall my left knee started to get sore, and by the spring it was to the point where it was giving out on me and pretty much in constant pain. I went in for an MRI, which revealed nothing other than a bipartite patella, which would not be causing the issues I was having. There was a little bit of arthritis, but not enough to cause the pain I was experiencing. The prescription? Physical therapy and ibuprofen.

During PT I started to feel a little better, but it became apparent that the issue was in my hamstring. Anyway, about 4 weeks into the PT, I sprained my left ankle for the third time in a year and a half, which set off more leg pain. My left leg has been in pretty much constant pain since March, between the ankle, hamstring, knee and now groin. Probably in large part because of that, my right leg started hurting in the last few months (I'm probably compensating). This past weekend I thought I had hurt my knee again because I thought I felt something pop during our game, but the next day there was little to no pain in the knee - instead my ankle was very sore (a likely high ankle sprain), and I am having a sharp pain in top of my left leg in my lower abdominal muscle.

The frustrating thing for me is that right now I feel like I'm in the best shape I've been in for probably the last 10 years. I've lost almost 30 pounds and I'm lifting weights again. However, this pain will just not go away. I've had months off a couple of times, and still the pain would not subside. I've often wondered if there is something more than jsut arthritis or pulled muscles going on here. The pain is literally everywhere, all the time, from my waist down.

At this point, hockey has almost become not fun. Every time I go I either come out in worse pain immediately after the game, or the next day. I don't feel like I can play the way I want to because the pain is limiting my ability to move around. I feel slow, and among other things, the pain makes it hard to concentrate during the games. At this point I've felt that I'm more of a hinderance than a help for my team.

I don't have the luxury of going on injured reserve and having all the help that a pro hockey player would in getting better, either. I don't feel like this is something that is going to change any time soon. It's a shame - I never expected to be retiring from hockey before my 30th birthday. I'm not certain that is what will happen yet, but it is looking that way.

Just like Herb Brooks once said, I'm playing worse each day, and right now I'm playing like the middle of next week.